When you’re a bit sneezy and sniffly and have perhaps slept a bit too much on a bright clear Saturday, the best thing would be to maybe go for a brisk walk, or make some kind of refreshing salad, or snort coffee, or whatever else it is that normal people do. But of course the best solution to sulky illness is always the same: comedy. A good laugh will cure all ills. There, I just saved you a trip to hospital about that bleeding head injury. But I’m about to cost you twenty dollars per person anyway.
Saturday night at 10:45 saw Chris and I at the Town Hall to see Capital Punishment for the second year running. They’re a group of current/former Canberra locals who spread five acts over one hour and are kind of like when you get the Five Flavours Lifesavers from the milk bar and you’re super excited to get pineapple, raspberry, watermelon and orange, and you think you’ll get the gross cherry one, but then suddenly it’s another watermelon, and you’re all “YES!” and cheer and everyone in the street judges you on your unbridled enthusiasm. Rafe Morris bookends the show, playing an intro song we sadly only caught the audience reaction to through the door (lesson: just pay for parking in the city during the Comedy Festival, because there really is nowhere to put your car apart from on top of those pedestrians who walk out in front of you drunk) and finishing the gig with a trio of love songs that will pull at your heart strings and then cause some sniggering when you realise who he’s really in love with and that perhaps some of his soulful yearnings are more criminal in nature. He’s actually an amazing musician, which did have me sometimes doing that thing during songs where I’m too busy going, “Oooohh, isn’t this lovely-sounding” to actually pay attention to lyrics, which is of course my own fault, and why I can’t sing along to any songs and should be banned from trying.
Emo Parsonson hails from the bush and is happy to hark back to his childhood for gags, recounting his father’s slightly unkind views towards women, his own current parenting style, and my own personal favourite part, where he compares his new cushy city office job’s OH&S (Occupational Healthy & Safety for the uninitiated) acronym compared to the country, where, as he points out, it stands for “OH....Shit!” (I probably think this is hilarious because I like punning on it too, like yelling “NoH&S!” whenever someone at work picks up too many books or climbs a ladder awkwardly.) Emo has a relaxed, laid-back style, is great at audience interaction, commendable after being hollered at by the woman next to Chris, and despite the causal demeanour occasionally dissolves into fast-paced rants that cause the audience to get a bit unbalanced on their (frighteningly high) seats.
Greg Kimball’s tales of the pressures to have kids once you’re in your thirties (I’m shocked to hear this, I thought it was once you’d had a partner for longer than three months that everyone was on your back about it), and his own experiences as a childcare worker, totally killed me: declaring he took a group of kids to see Toy Story “or something, I don’t know, I was drunk” and then following it up with a kid’s adventure with her folding cinema seat. It was also good to see someone wrapping up a comedy skit with an educational lesson in health involving fresh chillies and what not to do after using them; there needs to be more attention paid to these important things.
Kale Bogdanovs had arguably the best joke of the night, one that I’ll try hard not to ruin for you but involved a particular Hasbro board game I’ve always adored. I think he lost about two minutes of his show’s run-time because the audience couldn’t stop giggling for long enough to let him say anything else. Otherwise, he’s an amazingly articulate comedian, not a misplaced word or an “um” in sight (my own public speaking exercises sometimes contain only the word “um”), and his observations of movie ugly ducklings are so astute I almost let out a “hell yeah!” except that there was already someone shouting at all the acts in my aisle and I didn’t want to make everyone evict us.
For something completely different, Dayne Rathbone’s stilted man-child act is so well-perfected that everyone was quietly snickering before he’d even really said anything, his comic timing and beaming awkwardness building the performance in such a way that is caused the kind of laughing that’s so all-encompassing it almost causes you physical pain. As he reads his self-penned book, “A Boy and His Dad”, including a scene acted out with an audience member laughing so hard she could barely read her lines, each page has such an unexpected concept stuck in the middle of an everyday, flatly read sentence that I was afraid I kept spitting on the poor audience member in front of me because I kept sputtering just as I thought I’d composed myself again. Because I don’t learn lessons like “he was funny just then, perhaps he’ll be funny again?”
In Summary: Exceeds Expectations, because even though it was funny last year, I’d forgotten how funny. There were occasional flat moments—I mean, find me a comedian that doesn’t—but within another minute you were chortling/snorting/screeching/whatever-your-laughter-style away again. It’s pretty blue, too, so don’t go taking your eight-year-old to see it, or your eighty-year-old parents, unless you want to spend another night with them shaking their head at you and saying, “I don’t know what I did wrong.” Go buy your tickets here, or send them nude pictures here.
Due to some unexpected good luck and your friendly neighbourhood comedians, read, watch, listen has been offered two free tickets to see Capital Punishment at the Melbourne Comedy Festival—and they’re up for grabs for you, dear reader. If you want to get your greasy paws on these tickets, for Thursday night’s gig in Melbourne Town Hall’s Backstage Room, all you need to do is leave a comment here—and you don’t need to be a blogspot member to post a comment. All I want from you is to leave your name and a joke, no matter how terrible, and I’ll randomly pick a winner on Wednesday morning and post the winner then. And I’ll even start!
Q: What’s brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
See, you know you can do better, don’t you? Well, go on then.
Every year Melbourne hosts its International Comedy Festival. Every year we declare we are going to go, and every year it is only when one of our friends buys tickets for us and tells us to meet them in the city at six o’clock that we actually participate. And so it is again this year, when my friends Sarah and Brett, down from Canberra for Easter, declared we were going to see Capital Punishment at the Town Hall on Saturday night. And like every year, I make refreshed vows that an hour’s worth of pants-wetting giggles are worth doing more than once and I should stop being lazy.
Because you, dear reader, are my friend, I will only be honest with you here. Capital Punishment is a comedy act from Canberra, where my friends are from, and they are pals with a member of the act. This doesn’t mean I’m biased, though; my friends don’t read this blog and while I got to shake hands with said member, if they ran into me again in the street and I said hello they would probably think to themselves, “Unfamiliar stranger, possible stalker, run away,” whilst speeding up their walking pace and waving politely and awkwardly.
Capital Punishment is one hour and five acts long; basically, it’s a five course meal where every dish tastes divine but doesn’t fill you up too much for the next one. It opened with Herbie and the Coleslaws, aka Hamish and Lizzie, a guitar duo who sing such tunes as “Post Orgasm Blues”—where the female part sings her “No Orgasm Blues”—and spin tales of Paris Hilton’s dog and suburban egos with their really quite excellent guitars. They don’t hold back, and their tagline is that they “put the Pee in Politically Incorrect”, but when they ask you to sing along, you really can’t resist, because it’s great fun. Following them was Dan Connell, all height and hilarity, riffing on virginity auctions (his current going price on eBay being $2.85) and suggesting a bit of penis puppetry you’ll be unable to resist attempting back at home. Next up, Dayne Rathbone, resplendent in a tucked-in shirt, wire-framed glasses and the most awkward expressions ever seen in a comedy festival, delivering his entire act with a straight face. Chris was laughing so hard he couldn’t actually physically laugh but just kind of vibrated beside me with tears down his cheeks. Rathbone read aloud a story in unerring monotone that seemed like an eight-year-old’s creative writing paper and even handed out accompanying illustrations (“This is if you crossed a shark with a cyborg and a penis”) then followed that with a short yet Pulitzer-worthy play starring a poor member of the audience who could barely stop laughing enough to read her lines. Emo Parsonson was onstage next, bouncy and unfazed by perceived silences (“This is why I got into comedy. The peace and quiet!”), then explaining his emotional baggage to the poor woman at Canberra airport in a rant that veered close to cliché and then ended with everyone almost falling off their seats. Last was another musical duo with the added thrill of being identical twins: The Stevenson Experience, Benjamin and James, singing love songs to the couple in the third row and bouncing off each other, Benjamin playing piano and singing lines of tenderness, James on guitar singing the backup vocals with the lines mixed up and the audience in tears. Also: You’re Beautiful by James Blunt, sung in Indian, German and Russian. Then the hour’s over and your stomach hurts from laughing, but you feel refreshed and happy.
Frankly, go see it. I’m giggling just remembering it. And afterwards, head to the Hoddle Room, a post-act bar which will probably be full of comedians and Australian celebrities having a beer on the balcony. I was only there for about three minutes and saw Dave Hughes, Stephen Curry, and some other stars—but I won’t say who. You know I hate to give you spoilers.