Wednesday, March 17, 2010


Lars Von Trier’s newest film has now proudly usurped the top spot previously held by In the Realm of the Senses as Worst Date Movie Ever. What these two movies share are unsanitary, health department-unapproved scenes of genital mutilation, but Antichrist wins because the title is easier to say, and it lacks the, er, romance of the other. Much has been made of the scene in Antichrist, but if you are one of the few people who haven’t heard about it, I won’t go into details. For one, it’s icky. For two, knowing what was coming dulled the shock. Which is not to say that I wasn’t shocked by Antichrist; hell, it is impossible not to be. No one appeared to be on neutral ground in regards to it: reviews all gave it five stars or one. I can’t quite understand giving such a beautifully shot, undeniably eerie film one single star. But it takes all kinds, etc, and some of them will obviously be people who are wrong. (I am always right, in case you were wondering.)

Antichrist’s prologue is a soft, exquisitely shot portrayal of a young child climbing to his death while his parents make sweet, X-rated love in the other room. What follows is his parents, never named but played unflinchingly by Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg, trying to deal with their grief and guilt over what happened. He is a psychologist, and she is depressed: the solution, he feels, is to take her to their summer cabin to confront her emotions, and to treat her himself. It turns out that letting two emotionally fraught people stay in an isolated cabin, surrounded by only the cruelty of nature, was not his greatest idea. Well, he was not so long ago a goblinesque supervillain, and thus is clearly not a man of fantastic foresight.

I had planned to do other things as we watched this film, now available on DVD. I didn’t anticipate enjoying it, and besides, I had important pointless things to look up on the internet. About two minutes in, I put the laptop on the floor, and didn’t pick it up again until the movie was over. What seems like a small plot expands into something much more devastating and serious, as he and she explore their reactions and feelings and have a whole stack of gritty sex. Neither are beautified for the film, but they don’t need to be: Dafoe’s face could carry a film on its own, and Gainsbourg is appealing even when naked, raw, covered in twigs and masturbating relentlessly in the roots of a tree. A movie with such unbridled sexuality and nudity is a brave choice and one I am always in favour of, because I am sick of the only nudity in movies being when a socially-beautiful woman takes off her top for some waist-up-only sex scenes. Male nudity is a rarity and if you ever wanted to see Dafoe in the buff, you now have your chance; much of it may be stand-ins, but some scenes are not.

He and she fight and make up, make breakthroughs and regress. Each are flawed: he treats her as a patient and not a person, an experiment but not his wife, until she advances on him; she is hiding secrets about her last summer in the cabin, alone with their son. She uses sex as a distraction, but he acquiesces. They are the only two people who speak in this movie, and apart from their doomed son, other characters are only in it for less than a minute. Nature—both kinds—shows its beauty and its unsentimental reality through haunting dream sequences and scenes struck through with animal terror.

There will be parts of this movie where you cover your eyes and peep through your fingers. There are visceral reactions to be had from this film, but you won’t be able to look away. As striking as it is horrifying, it is an incredible movie and while I don’t give stars, I am completely astounded to find anyone giving it only one. (Yes, Leigh Paatsch, I’m looking at you.)

Seriously, however, don’t take my initial statements lightly. It is not a date movie. There is one scene in particular that will destroy any kind of smooching mood for at least twenty-four hours. Hire Star Trek, and don some Spock ears for some evening romance instead.


  1. Did you laugh (at least a little bit) when Dafoe punches the shit out of the crow?

  2. Mysterious Skin has my vote for worst date movie ever. Nothing like a dose of paedophilia with your popcorn to kill the smoochies.

  3. Gav, that was a completely nutso scene and while I didn't laugh (I was too busy covering my eyes and yelling at Chris, "Tell me when it stops! Argh! I looked anyway!") it has that kind of gruesome humour in it. Actually, you've reminded me of the movie's worst flaw: that while I looked intently for it, there was no part at the end credits that said, "No animals were harmed in the making of this film", though it did say animal trainers and puppets were used. Having said that, it's debatable that any movie that has caterers that serve burgers should be using that phrase either.

    And Jo, I looked it up on IMDB and a) will be staying far, far away and b) WHY DID I READ THE COMMENTS IT IS LIKE RULE NUMBER ONE OF THE INTERNETS AND I BROKE IT.

  4. Mysterious Skin is a disturbing flick, but it's nowhere near the level of Antichrist.

    I remember when it was reviewed on At The Movies, David objected to the use of the quick image of penetration (filmed with stand-ins)that flashes by near the beginning. I agree it was pretty jarring and unnecessary. I adore the film though and it's a wonderful nightmare I hope to revisit on blu-ray some day.

    And while Mysterious Skin is disturbing it isn't anywhere near as unsettling as Antichrist.

  5. You know I've had no sleep when I begin and end a post with almost the same sentence.

    Sorry bout that

  6. Jo (U, by the way)March 19, 2010 at 7:32 PM

    haha... well even if it is unsettling, I would like to watch Antichrist one day. I'm intrigued by what I've read about the way animals and nature are represented in the film.

    Fi, are your loyal readers allowed to make requests? I'm dying for you to review Green Porno!

  7. J: Requests are absolutely encouraged, and I shall see what I can do. (From what I have seen so far of it, my review is so far: "what the hell, man?")

    G: You can only use that tired parent excuse for fifteen years, so you better make the most of it while you can, bucko.


Opinions, opinions! Come one, come all.